Seminar Report  (When You Lost Your Loved Ones)

   
    The first of this yearfs Care Fund Seminar was held on February 5. Entitling the presentation, gFrom Grief to Memories,h the speaker, Ms. Kei Gilbert, spoke on various aspects of grief: its phases, grief tasks leading to relocating the past, grief styles, individual and universal aspects of grief, and multicultural understanding of how we mourn. She used her own experience of losing her mother to a sudden, traumatic death to explain some of those concepts.

     Ms. Gilbert discussed Elizabeth Kübler-Rossf five stages of facing onefs death – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In the recent years, though, psychologists have come to recognize that these stages do not occur linearly and that some may even be skipped.  However, Kübler-Ross opened doors to our understanding of the basic stages of facing death.  Most psychologists now agree that a person who is grieving usually goes through the following three phases:  (1) shock and denial, (2) adjustment to the loss, and (3) re-investment in the future. Mrs. Gilbert also described ggrief tasksh as defined by the psychologist, J. William Worden.  They are what we must go through to come to a healthy outcome of grief:  (1) accept the reality of the loss; (2) experience the pain;(3) learn to adjust to the altered world; and (4) re-invest in life. By knowing these tasks and willingly undertaking them, we can transform grief into memories and move on in life.

     On the supportersf part, a superficial encouragement, such as gYou are strong, so you will get over it soon,h may not offer any comfort. The best approach while a bereaved is in the initial phase of shock and denial may be, for example, to gently hug the person without a word, or to send a card just saying gI am thinking of youch The key is gempathy,h expressed as a ggentle and unconditional acceptanceh of the personfs current feelings. It is also important to be conscious of the differences in our awareness levels in how we approach the loss or the upcoming loss, and also the differences in our grief styles dealing with our losses. Grief is an individualized process.

     The seminar ended by each participant filling a picture of a tree with blank leaves into which one was asked to write in the names of dear family members and friends, coloring the leaves brown if the named person is dead, and green if the person is alive. Through this exercise, the participants were reminded, perhaps against their expectations, that they do have many dear people in their lives, and that even if many of them might by now have passed away, one can always build a new circle of dear people and thus make the tree green again.
 

Title of the book:

From Grief to Memories: A workbook on Lifefs Significant losses

By Kei Gilbert  ISBN 0-9650386-3-7  Published by Soras Corporation

How to order the book: Go to www.soras.com Click on "Order Products."  If you are giving it as a bereavement gift (with a ribbon and a card), they need to indicate it on the form.  The proceeds will enable the author to donate her books to local hospices.